Supernatural FIC: Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Title: Lead Us Not Into Temptation
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Sam
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Wincest.
Date: Dec 2005
Summary: There's always a price to pay.

Notes: Thanks to stone_princess for the quick and dirty beta.

Disclaimers: Don’t own them. How terribly sad for me.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Sam was ten the first time she came to him, smelling of apple blossoms and invading his dreamscape with blonde hair and deep green eyes. She smiled at him, easy and pretty, and asked, "What do you want, Sam?"

"My mother back. Because then Dad and Dean would be happy, and we could stop hunting," Sam answered. Not that he didn't want his mother back for himself, but it was more of an abstract idea to him. To Dad and Dean, she was real.

She held her hand out to Sam, and he went to her. There wasn't a reason not to, yet.

"I can give that to you. I can bring your mother back."

Sam frowned. "So you're evil, then?"

The question didn't seem to offend her. She laughed, and Sam smiled, because it was a nice sound. "To classify me as evil is limiting yourself to a very narrow world view, Sam."

"But there's a catch," Sam said. "You won't bring her back for nothing."

"There's always a price to pay," She said, gently. "Do you want to know what it is?"

Sam shook his head. To bring someone back from the dead was unnatural. The price for something like that would be too high, no matter what it was.

"What do you want, Sam?"

"From you? Nothing."

She leaned forward, then. Her hand was cold against Sam's cheek. "Maybe not today."

Temptation was nothing if not patient.

***

She came again when Sam was fifteen, the night he caught Dean fucking some girl in the back of the Impala.

"What do you want, Sam?"

"To stop hunting. To be normal," Sam whispered. He couldn't say why. Not to her, not to himself. He only knew that he couldn't continue to do this. Suddenly much of the past few years of his life felt like a huge gaping hole, empty in ways he didn't even begin to know how to fill.

"How much do you want it?" She leaned forward, her eyes gleaming like she knew the reason behind his desire to be normal. Maybe she did.

"Not that much," Sam told her. He knew that it was easier to avoid temptation if he didn't know the price. If he wasn't able to think about it in specific terms. "I can do it myself."

She laughed, and it was as beautiful a sound as Sam remembered. "You can stop hunting, maybe. Go off to college and carve out a life. Ignore any mysterious deaths around you." She stroked Sam's face and gave him a sad smile. "But you'll never be normal, Sam. Not without my help."

"I know," Sam said. "But I have to try. I have to try to do it on my own."

"You're very special, Sam."

Sam didn't answer her. He didn't want to be special.

But, then, she knew that.

***

He was twenty-two when she came to him for the third time.

"I don't want anything from you," Sam said, before she could ask. "I have a good life now. I don't want anything."

"You might want to hear what I have to offer this time, Sam." She wasn't laughing.

Sam was tempted to tell her that, no, he didn't, but something in her expression stopped him. "What?"

"The being that killed your mother is coming after Jessica. Soon." There was an excitement gleaming in her eyes that made Sam sick to his stomach. "I can stop it."

And for the first time in his life, Sam asked, "What's the price?" He thought he knew the answer.

"A life for a life, Sam."

"I'll do it," Sam said without hesitation. "Of course I'll give my life for hers."

"Oh, Sam." She looked sad. "You have to know it's not that easy. It's not your life I'm asking for."

A knot of dread started to form in Sam's stomach. "My life is all I have to give."

"You can't be that naive, Sam."

That was all she said, and the silence stretched out before him.

"Who?" Sam finally asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

She leaned back. "Dean."

"No." Sam shook his head. "Don't ask that of me. You can't."

"You don't have to answer yet." She looked so calm. "Dean will come to you. He'll ask for your help."

"No."

"One of them will die, Sam. You have to choose who!"

"I can't." Sam could feel the panic bubbling in his chest, threatening to suffocate him.

She gave him a serene smile. "If you go with Dean, Jessica will die. I'm sorry, Sam."

"Like hell you are!"

Sam woke and he knew there was someone in the apartment. Jess was still sleeping beside him. And he knew who it was, before the fight, before Jess woke. Even before he crept out of bed, but he didn't want to know.

He knew, before Dean said, "Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days."

He knew what his decision would be, despite his protests. That he would follow Dean to the ends of the earth was never a question.

***

She doesn't come to him again, but the first time Dean kisses him, Sam knows she's there.

What do you want?

Dean pushes him onto the bed, devours him and Sam can only cling and shake and offer himself up to Dean's mouth and hands and body.

What do you want?

Sam's shirt is gone, and his pants are open and Dean's hand is hot and the most perfect thing in the world until his mouth replaces it.

This. Sam tries not to answer, but the funny thing about temptation is that there are times when it doesn't seem like a choice. It was never a choice. I want this, for as long as I can have it.

Dean's hands are on Sam's thighs, pressing them back, opening him up, and Sam can only clutch at the sheets beneath him and beg for everything that Dean is willing to give him.

What are you willing to give me for it?

"Sam," Dean whispers as he presses into him, and it's the culmination of every choice that Sam has ever made. The goal he never knew he was working towards.

What are you willing to give me for it?

"Sam."

My soul.